


Do You Miss Me? Cause I Miss You

by vivalakobrakid



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, I am a very bad person, I am really sorry for this, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of Bandit, Mentions of Lyn-z - Freeform, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self Starvation mentioned, Self-Harm, The things are not happening and will not happen, everyone will hate me after this, poor fictional gerard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4302774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivalakobrakid/pseuds/vivalakobrakid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PLEASE READ THE NOTE ON CHAPTER 11 BEFORE READING THE FIC!</p><p>Its 2019, and it didn't turn out how it would've in Gerard's mind. Gerard and Frank are both touring in the UK, Frank nearing the end of his tour and Gerard just starting. Frank was hoping for Gerard to come to his show, just to talk, but he ended up finding out something that would change everything.</p><p>This has really short chapters, very sorry for that but it is my first fic and feedback would be great xx I don't own anyone or anything mentioned in this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1, Frank:

I couldn’t stop staring at the guy with the black hair at the front. That hair was so much like his, it scared me. But his hair hasn’t been like that since the 2000’s. Its 2019 now, I need to stop seeing stuff like that. It’s been six years, six whole years for fucks sake. Why would he be here now? But here I am... still holding out some hope he might’ve been late. I am so pathetic.

  
Even if he is here, I should not give that asshole a second chance. No way. He never told me what was happening. I read it on the fucking official website. None of my old band told me it was over, not even Ray. But it should have been Gerard to tell me. He was the one who fucking did it and he should have fucking told me.

  
Yet here I am, standing outside a music venue smoking, so fucking ready to forgive him.


	2. Chapter 2, Gerard:

I just want to shout at him, “I came Frankie.. you keep looking at me but I don’t think you know who I am”. But what good would that do. Frank’s shows are still full of My Chemical Romance fans and if they knew that of all people, Gerard Way was on the front row... That knowledge wouldn’t stay within these walls for very long. I don’t think I want Frankie to recognise me either... Not yet anyway.

  
His songs live hurt so much more. Almost every single one I can hear in his lyrics what I did to him. Worse than when I listen to his album. For a while I obsessively listened to the thing, I probably know Frank’s lyrics better than he does. I wonder if he’s ever listened to my album. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. he should hate me, more than anyone... But he does keep staring at me in the crowd, does he think it’s me? I’ve been planning for this for ages. Grew my hair, dyed it black two nights ago and tried not to let anyone take a photo of me for six months. Pretty damn hard to do when you’re Gerard Way so I wore a lot of hats to hide my hair for fan photos.

  
But now here I am, hoping he will see me... fuck, he’s left the stage... where the fuck is he? Have I fucked this up too, have I lost him? I can’t do this. I need, I need...


	3. Chapter 3, Frank

There’s the guy with the... Gerard hair. Bet he wants something signed. I’ll go say hi.

“Hey front row kid with the hair-”

“Hey... _Frankie_ ”

I was gonna keep talking... but I was stopped in my tracks with that voice... It can’t be. No way, its just my mind playing tricks on me again.

“Can you sign something for me, _Frankie_?”

He fucking growled my name at me then. It sounds so fucking much like him so long ago. But he didn’t come.

“Why did I even think that fucker was ever gonna come?” Shit, did I just say that out loud?

“What fucker?”

I’ll just go along with this, who fucking cares.

“If you’re one of those fans I know who you’re thinking... I know who you’re thinking... so am I.”

“Well uhm, to be honest, I used to be one of them... pretty involved too. But it’s been a while now and... _we_ have sort of drifted apart.”

The smoke blows up in my face and I look up at the shape behind the cloud. He whispered something... He couldn’t have said what I think he just said. No.

I get a new cigarette and lighter out of my jacket “What have sort of drifted apart? No. You know what? No. I’m not saying this shit to a fan, it’s just gonna go on the internet and everyone-”

I try to stare the fan down, for making me say all this but his eyes... Those sudden, unmistakable eyes.

“G-Gerard?”

He stares at me for what seems like hours and finally talks.

“Maybe that fucker did come.”

I stare at him. I don’t know what to fucking say except to stutter “You... You...”

“I’m sorry Frankie.”

I stare at him for a few seconds more. I could say so much to him right now. I could scream at him, screams full of pure fucking hate and pure fucking...love.

But I swallow all that down.

“You grew your hair Gerard”

“Yeah... I did it for you... When we first-”

“I know. Trust me I know. It also gave me a hard fucking time recognising you. Have you not let there be a photo of you in 6 months?”

“I wore many hats”

I can’t help laughing at that.

“Of course you did you fucking weird asshole”

 

Fuck. Gerard smiled at me. I haven’t seen that in real life for so long. I haven’t seen anything of him in real life for so, so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was obvious I was gonna do that hahahahahahah I bet you all love me right now. You won't 2 chapters from now, that's for sure :))) I'm a horrible person


	4. Chapter 4, Gerard

I am fucking weird. I don’t even know what to say to that. I just smile and I want to save Frankie’s reaction to my smile forever. His eyes just fucking light up. I’m ruining it by saying this but I want one.

“Can I have a cigarette, Frankie?” Fuck. I forgot no-one knows I still smoke. Frank just takes one out the box though. He knows me so fucking well. Oh no, has he noticed? He’s staring at me.

“I should have known it was you... your voice... you calling me Frankie in that fucking way you fucking do, you fucking always do”

He hands the cigarette and lighter to me and I light it... I have no idea what to say. What do I say?

“Frankie, I-”

“You know what Gerard? I should fucking hate you. So fucking much. Six years and all I get from you is a few retweets on twitter, maybe a reply too.”

“I-”

Frank pushes me up against the wall.

“I fucking hate you Gerard but I will never stop fucking loving you Gerard I fucking hate you hate you hate you”

Pushed up to him this close, I’m terrified.

“And rightly so. I destroyed you. I know I fucking did but at the time all I could think about was myself and you knew what I was doing. Again”

He hugs me closer with his face in my chest... god, Frankie is so fucking short.

“I knew what you were doing. It was bad. Gerard, there was the alcohol just like before and I thought you could get better like before if it was just like that but it made you think even weirder than before… You were fucking beautiful Gerard but it made you not see that. I saw you weren’t eating. God you got so fucking skinny and the fans loved it, thought you were working out, the fucking hot Party Poison guy is who they saw, not my Gerard, wasting away, filling up the hole in his stomach with alcohol”

I stare at him and can’t help letting out a sob

“I am so fucking sorry Frankie…”

“DON’T YOU DARE BE FUCKING SORRY, GERARD. YES YOU STARTED THE ALCOHOL AGAIN BUT THAT WAS THE ONLY MISTAKE YOU MADE. THE DRINKS DICTATED ALL THE OTHERS. AND YOU ARE FUCKING BETTER NOW AND YOU COULDN’T BE FUCKING HAPPIER IT SEEMS, BUT I AM NOT HAPPY. NOT WITHOUT YOU.”

He lets go of me and starts to walk away. I grab him and try to pull him back in front of me, but I end up pulling too far and he hits the wall next to me.

“Frankie... why aren’t you calling me Gee anymore?”

“Cos it’s been six years since I called you anything, let alone my nickname for you” I stare into his beautiful hazel eyes... he looks so confused. I am too.

“Can you ever love me again...? I have been the worst I could have to you and you should never love me… no-one should.”

Frank gets a hold of my collar and pulls my face towards his.

“I told you I would never stop fucking loving you”

He presses his forehead against mine. Fuck, I’ve been wanting this to happen for six years and now all I want is to get away. And it’s all my fault.

I can’t let him find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohh look shit's happening now, and this is the last chapter I'll be posting this week cos I hate you all xx. Feedback is always good :)


	5. Chapter 5, Frank.

Gerard moves away from my face and tries to step back.  
“What is it, Gee?”  
I pull him close and breathe him in. I have to remember this- but I smell something on him... something I wouldn’t have expected in a million years.

 

The smell of alcohol.

 

“Gerard… is… is that what I think it is?

Gerard’s eyes widen at me. God, he looks so fucking scared... I am too.

“I... I think I should go”

I pull him even closer towards me and hold him so fucking tight. I whisper against his neck

“No no no no no no no this can’t happen again Gee no no no no”

What am I doing? I have to help him.

“How long has this been going on for... this time?”

“It… Only two months.” His tears fall onto my jacket.

“Gee don’t cry, I don’t want to make you cry.”

“It’s not your fault I’m crying. I’m crying cos I messed everything up again.”

He ducks down and buries his face into my jacket. I have to ask more. I don’t want to hurt him but I have to ask more.

“Has Lindsey noticed... or Bandit?”

“Frankie... This isn’t what I thought 2019 was gonna be like…”

Gerard smiles at me again. God I love his smile. I laugh at what he said.

“No it’s fucking not Gerard, we aren’t your comic book characters!”

He pulls his face away from me. Oh fuck, I insulted him. Fuck, Gerard.

“I didn’t mean it like that… I want it to be like when we released Danger Days too”

I smile up at him, then realise.

 

“Gee... You didn’t answer my question.”


	6. Chapter 6, Gerard.

He noticed. He more than noticed. He is trying to help me, I can tell. I don’t want to hurt him again, but I know he’ll keep persisting with the questions. And if I can’t tell Frank everything, then who can I tell?

“Lyn hasn’t noticed…”

He gives me a calculating look.

“What… What about Bandit, Gee?”

I don’t want to fucking tell him I don’t want to fucking tell him. Fuck. Pull yourself together Gerard.

“She knows what I used to be like… in the early days… and-”

He stares at me

“What?! How?”

“You can’t keep a ten year old away from the internet… and if your dad was a rock star you’re gonna be able to see stuff about him that he hasn’t told you. It was all in Life On The Murder Scene, Frankie. I didn’t think she would watch the whole thing but she did… She asked about you.”  
He looks so surprised. Why does he look so fucking surprised?

“Why did she ask about me?”

“You were the only one who stayed with me when I was throwing up after falling into the bushes. I promised you I’d get better, remember?”

He gives a faint smile “Of course I remember.”

Fuck. He remembers back that far. It wasn’t even happening to him. He really did fucking love me.

“Bandit was asking who the nice man who helped me was… I told her it was Frank, my old band member in My Chemical Romance. Bad idea.”

He raises his eyebrows. Huh, he’s stopped plucking his eyebrows. Stop getting off track Gerard. This is serious.

“Why was it a bad idea?”

I give him a small smile.

“Well for one, my daughter is now into my old band, and two… She’s seen some things we did at a few gigs…”

Frank covers his mouth “Fuck. Really? Like Project Rev…”

I grin at the floor. God I loved what Frankie was doing back then.

“Oh yeah, she’s kinda funny with that, she wants to know why I kissed you and also hit you to the floor… and she saw this backstage footage from 2003.”

“What footage?”

“I forgot about it too, I didn’t know it was even on the internet, but remember when that person had that camera backstage and just kept filming everything?”

Frank furrows his eyebrows “Uhm... Kinda?”

“Well there’s this part of it…”

I take a deep breath.

“We told each other we loved each other. I told you I loved you and you said I love you too. The person was filming Mikey and the camera goes to us and we stop hugging once the camera’s on us… I don’t remember it either but I know my own and I know your voice.”

“Oh. Lindsey hasn’t seen this has she?”

I avoid his gaze

“She- This is irrelevant. Bandit found all the glass bottles in the bin last week. She screamed at me and… And I made her promise not to tell Lindsey if I promised to stop. And I need you. More than the drink.”

Frank looked hurt.

“You came… because I was the solution for the second time?”

 

No Frankie. That’s not why... It’s not.

I love you. It’s so fucking hard to tell you after all this time.

I love you. Why can’t I fucking tell you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters will be getting longer now, I promise x


	7. Chapter 7, Frank.

Please don’t let this be like that. He couldn’t have just come back cos I could fix him, then leave me again? That’s not Gerard. No way.

He stares at me defensively and hugs his chest.

“No! No its not like that. It’s not. I came here because... Because I fucking love you and I could not stand being without you any longer, so much that I started drinking again.   
Why I always turn to that fucking bottle, I don’t know. It’s like if anything is going wrong, if anything hurts inside, that’s what I do.”

He... He told me he loved me. Gerard told me he... loved me. 

The last time I heard him saying that was when he was saying it to his wife. Never again... until now. But now he’s like this again. Back on the drink. How can I trust him? But I fucking love him and he said he loves me. I don’t want him to destroy himself again.

I felt tears in my eyes “I don’t want you to hurt. Why did you have to start that again? Why couldn’t you just fly to New Jersey before I started touring again... Instead of waiting until we were both gonna be in the UK in the same month...?”

He glances at my face then stares down at his feet. 

“Because I was scared. So I just poured myself a glass of wine… I’ve done that before, I’m okay with that… but because of the fear of seeing you again, I thought I needed something stronger to stop my heart pounding so fast… I found some… I don’t even know what it was. In the basement. And I ended up having one shot of it… and then I poured myself a glass of it… and then I couldn’t stop and I forgot what I was scared about. It made me forget about seeing you… Which it made me think was good at the time.”

I can’t help crying now. I am so scared for him.   
My Gerard.

“Ge-Gerard. I’m here now. You have me forever Gerard please stop. Pl-please stop” 

I put my hands on his hips and feel something in his pocket. Please don’t let it be... I pull the hip flask out of his pocket.

“No. No Gerard. Not again. You will fucking die if you do this again”

He looks at me, his eyes full of apology.

“I know. I want to stop. I don’t want to get like it again. But… I think I already am Frankie… I’m getting those feelings again.”

 

No. he doesn’t mean what I think he means. He can’t. 

Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do realise that this isn't laid out amazingly, and nor is it beta'ed, but I think I might want to finish the thing, or at least get to a particular point, then edit some stuff and mess around with it a bit :)


	8. Chapter 8, Gerard

I stare at him and slowly watch him work it out.

“What feelings- Oh my god Gerard you’re not suicidal again are you?

I give a slight nod and a tear falls down my face.

“No. This is not happening to you again. I’m calling Lindsey.”

No Frank. You are not fucking doing that, fuck that’s not what I wanted. What did I want? Him not to fucking find out. 

I grab his jacket collar and stare at him. I growl

“NO.”

I let go of him. What the fuck came over me? The fucking drink.

“I-I mean no, Lindsey could throw me out… She could stop me seeing Bandit… I’m ruining everything and going on tour was a way to…   
Stop me ruining their lives along with mine. This is going to be a long tour, but I’m meant to be Skyping Lyn and Bandit every night.   
I told her I wouldn’t be tonight…   
I think she knows why. She knows you’re touring here too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was really short... sorry and I will get better at this stuff soon x


	9. Chapter 9, Frank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this chapter kinda goes from one point to another really fast, which is really annoying and yeah, it's chapter 9 of the 10 I have written, so I better get to writing more soon :)

Lindsey would... throw him out? She couldn’t do that. I need to call her. I need to call someone. Frank, you’ve been silent for ages. Talk to him.  
“Gerard... When did you last have a drink?”

He glances at the hip flask in my hand.

“I’m sorry I hurt you Frankie... I’m sorry”

He’s not escaping the question that easily.  
“Answer me Gerard.”

More tears fall down his face.   
“When... When you walked off the stage after the encore”

No. No Gerard, don’t do this to yourself. Not again.  
“Oh my fucking god Gerard you don’t fucking need this”

“I wish I didn’t...” You don’t Gerard, you don’t.

“Okay, I want to keep you fucking safe, Gee. Do you have any guns?”

He gives me a fearful look.   
“I’m not letting you take it”

Fuck. He has a fucking gun. “So you just have one?”

Gerard nods and looks down at the floor

At least... it’s just one.   
“Gee… I think you know you’re gonna have to give me that gun.”

He moves away from me.   
“N-No. It makes me feel like I’m in control of something, having it there...”

“But it’s really the opposite of control. And it could kill you if you lose control.”

“I-” He stutters

“I am not fucking losing you. Where is the fucking gun? You are not killing yourself. Ever. We are going to sort this out. Stop you.”

He shakes his head.   
“I’m not strong enough...”

“That drink really has changed you. Again. Where is the guy that knows he’s strong? Where’s the guy whose only weakness is that he cannot stand anyone not liking him, which is okay cos everyone loves him. Where’s that guy. The guy I know and fucking love. I’m not in love with the guy plus the alcohol, but I sure do care about him an awful lot to bring back the guy I am in love with.”

He looks up at the midnight sky. “I don’t know.”

“Where is the fucking gun Gerard?”

“It’s... it’s in my hotel room... two streets away.”

“How the fuck did you get it into the UK?”

“I didn’t... I stole the thing. My pistol is at home, in a safe.”

He went to the length of stealing a fucking gun.

“Fucking hell Gerard. You need help.”

 

He looks at me with heavy lidded eyes. “I do. I know. But right now all I need is you...”

I stare at him, waiting for him to continue.

 

“Would you kiss me when I’m like this?”

Kiss him. Gerard just asked me to kiss him. I want to say no. I told him I don’t love Gerard plus alcohol but that isn’t gonna stop me still wanting to kiss him. I last did that... Fuck, at the end of 2012. Seven years ago. Fuck you Gerard.

“...I guess I’ve kissed you like this before... But only kissing until you’re better. You will be better and then...”

I wink at him. God, the eyes he’s giving me right now, it’s like I’m 22 again. I fucking hate you Gerard. I love you so fucking much. It’s hard for me to only let myself kiss you too, I promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, as I said, moved pretty fast, but so has this entire fic tbh.. so yeah x ily guys :)


	10. Chapter 10, Gerard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHHHH

Frankie won’t keep that up. He won’t be able to keep his hands off me after two days of ‘just kissing’ I bet. I’ll play along anyway.

“Fuck, Frankie that’s so fucking-”

Frank pushes me against the brick wall and stares into my eyes for a few seconds. It seems like forever that I’m looking into those perfect sparkling hazel eyes. Then I forget all about that as he presses his lips against mine.  
He puts his arms around me and pulls me away from the wall, pulls me against him. I can’t help but hum in my throat. I am here, kissing Frank. This is not what I fucking expected. None of this is. I pull away for just a second.

“Fuck, Frankie.”

He brings my head back down to his again, and this time opens his mouth.

He bites on my bottom lip and I feel him smile at my gasp.

Slowly, his tongue starts to dart into my mouth.

I grab onto his hip and pull him even closer to me.

He lets go of me and presses his hands onto the wall, still exploring my mouth with his tongue.

I can’t fucking breathe because of what he’s doing to me... maybe because I haven’t breathed in a while. I pull away.

“Fuck, I forgot how much of a good kisser you were, Frankie.”

Frank raises his eyebrows. “Were? Past tense?”

He should have been an English teacher or something, the way he picks apart people’s grammar so much.

“You still are, you fucking grammar freak, don’t look so offended... Was better with the lip ring in though...”

He narrows his eyes at me “I am not putting my fucking lip ring back in Gerard!”

“Oh Frankie... don’t be so stubborn. Shame, though.”

I loved to kiss him with his lip ring in... I did have a tendency to keep biting on it though.

He wrinkles his nose “There are many things I will do for you but that isn’t one of them. When I had it, you kept biting it and ripping my lip! The scar should have been tiny but its way bigger than it should have been because of you. Besides, fans will go crazy if the find out its back.”

I grin at him. “You’re talking like you’re gonna do it”

Frank gives me a withering look. “Fuck you!”

“When and where Frankie?” I wink at him.

He rolls his eyes at me.

“C’mon Frankie, lets head to my hotel and you show me how much you missed me?”

He gave me a hard stare.  
“Now you actually do sound drunk, Gerard. I’m driving you back to my hotel because this is my last night in it and I can’t leave my stuff there. That does not mean I’m breaking my promise, Gerard.”

I’ll persuade him. I know I’ll persuade him. I get into the passenger side of his car and slowly fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for believeinsh2012 and I'm gonna have to start writing these again soon ahah (yes I had 10 chapters previously written)


	11. NOTE

Hey everyone! I know I haven't updated this in absolutely AGES, but that's partly because I wasn't really liking the quality of my writing, so I'm deciding to rewrite! I'm going to post the new version as a complete new story, and direct anyone who reads this to that new story :) sorry I took so long to explain!


End file.
